Ellicia's Gravesite

It's still new, of course... the grave marker won't be in for a few months.

But for now, here is our new home. I don't plan on moving in anytime soon, of course... so until then, Ellicia will be keeping it cold for me.

She's in good company. Right in front, a beautiful place... the flagpole is a few yards away. She has troops from the War Between the States just behind her. Including some markers with the inscription "USCT" - United States Colored Troops. Now, that's history.

So, here's a peek at Section 4, Plot 171B.

Beaufort National Cemetery

Beaufort National Cemetery is a beautiful place.

I remember it from when I was a kid. I used to go to Beaufort, SC often to visit my grandmother who lived there.

Beaufort is a quiet town, going back a few hundred years. The cemetary goes back to the War Between the States.

It's small, certainly no Arlington, but distinguished by its solemnity and peacefulness.

There's a wonderful touch of Old World to it... oak trees, cypresses... is beautiful.

More Pictures from Visitation

As you'll recall from the header, this site is first off, a diary. So, please bear with me while I save some more pictures from the visitation. Some are of Ellicia in her coffin, and may be uncomfortable for some to view.

These pictures show the layout of the visitation. It was a very long room, and Ellicia was at the far end of it. Around the room, we placed the posters of Ellicia and they guided towards the casket. Around the casket, we placed the flowers that were there.

The flowers included flowers from my unit, from family, and flowers that Annette and I did... including the Asterisk. You can also see the three balloons from each of the kids - they said "I Love You" on them.

The flower in the shape of a heart is from the three kids and I. The one in the shape of a star is from Annette. And Annette chose the casket spray.

The Children Say Goodbye

I have some pictures of when T and M said their good-byes to Mommy.

There's not a whole lot to add to the pictures, but one thing.

T isn't really talking yet. He is a little behind the curve to begin with since he started the first few months of his life deaf. Factor in the humongous stress the family has been through, and it is understandable.

That said, you'll see in the bottom picture, where my Dad is holding him up... Dad is starting to lose it. The reason is: When T leaned in... he kissed E and then waved to her and said, "Bye-bye".

It brought tears to all of our eyes... so sweet... I don't think I'll ever forget T saying good-bye like that.

Children grasp more than we ever give them credit for.

Waggles

It's a little late, but I'd like to introduce Waggles.

Waggles was Ellicia's stuffed dog. She had Waggles ever since she was about four. Waggles went with her everywhere. It went with her in the car... when she went to college, Waggles went, too. When I met her, Waggles was there, though admittedly, up high away from the reach of Kira. And, at the hospital, Waggles would keep her company.

Waggles sat with her as she passed.

And, Waggles will keep her company forever.

It was hard to put Waggles into the casket, though. I had a whole week to spend with Waggles, and truthfully, Waggles was never far from me. Came with ME wherever I went. Was a tangible hold onto something that was undeniably Ellicia.

But, she had specifically asked. I remember, we'd talked before, and she'd always said, "No, Waggles should be kept somewhere safe." But, about a week before she died, I asked again what she wanted me to do with Waggles. She said she wanted Waggles with her. At which, Waggles then said, "Nooooooo, please don't make me go into the box! Please, please... I don't wanna go... It'll be daaaaarrrrrrrkkkkk." :)

Poor Waggles. Never was wild about the idea, but he went bravely into the box.

Miss Waggles.

In the pictures, you may even note the permanent crook in Waggles where she'd snuggled up with him for decades...

The Asterisk

The Asterisk

There was one particular flower arrangement at the funeral which was distinctive, and unusual. Had a few comments.

It was from me.

I had it specially done for Ellicia. And, at the end, when they placed the casket in the grave, I instructed that it be placed on top of the casket before the dirt was filled in. All other flowers were placed on the ground after the grave was redressed.

So, what was this arrangement?

Well, when ellicia and I first started what would become our relationship, it was through internet chat.

Some of you may know that, before Yahoo added all of the smileys and such, you could often show a kiss by:

*

Later on, when we were together, perhaps in public, or stressed, or just having a moment, we would trace the asterisk on the hand of the other. I can recall quite a few times when I might be stressed, and I'd feel her finger gently tracing the asterisk. When she was in the hospital, I'd trace it to her.

And, as she was dying and at her death, I traced it.

During the visitation, and when it was time to close the casket, I caught myself standing there, talking to others, holding her hand, tracing the asterisk.

The last time I touched the casket, I poured some dirt on the casket, and traced the asterisk in it.

It's even drawn on her head in magic marker (I'll explain in another post).

So, it was something special.

And the flowers?

The Memorial Video

For the funeral visitation, I had a video made. I knew that Ellicia's appearance in the coffin would be a shock, especially for people who'd not seen her in awhile.

I'd had six of the pictures blown up to poster size and placed around the room, to help balance and prepare for the coffin at the far end.

And on the exact opposite end as the coffin, there was a large tv playing the dvd of this video:

Obituaries: Updated

Previously, I'd posted the obituary list here. Well, "Stars & Stripes" finally printed E's obituary.

It's in the 14 January European Edition. It's page 36, in the Classifieds.

It's a tad late, but we wanted it in the "Stars & Stripes" since we'd spent so much time in Germany.

Readings at the Service

I'll fill in some more details later, but I want to get down the Bible verses that I had selected for the funeral service.

The service was Episcopalian, which is a fairly structured service. Of course, Ellicia and I must beg to be different. The way the service goes (like many churches), is that there's an Old Testament reading, a New Testament reading, and a Gospel reading.

Well, I had some verses in mind, and that were truly appropriate. Unfortunately, there were more verses than slots in the service. I inquired about doing extra readings, and they said, "Well, it's not normally done... in fact, can't recall it ever being done, but... sure."

So, here are the selections. I'm sure when you read them you'll recognize some of the reasons they were chosen. (All quotations are NIV version. You can click the link at the top or here for other versions.)

Isaiah 40:29-31

29 He gives strength to the weary
and increases the power of the weak.

30 Even youths grow tired and weary,
and young men stumble and fall;

31 but those who hope in the LORD
will renew their strength.
They will soar on wings like eagles;
they will run and not grow weary,
they will walk and not be faint.

Revelation 7:13-17

13Then one of the elders asked me, "These in white robes—who are they, and where did they come from?"

14I answered, "Sir, you know."

And he said, "These are they who have come out of the great tribulation; they have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. 15Therefore,
"they are before the throne of God
and serve him day and night in his temple;
and he who sits on the throne will spread his tent over them.
16Never again will they hunger;
never again will they thirst.
The sun will not beat upon them,
nor any scorching heat.
17For the Lamb at the center of the throne will be their shepherd;
he will lead them to springs of living water.
And God will wipe away every tear from their eyes."

II Corinthians 4:16-5:7

16Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. 17For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. 18So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

2 Corinthians 5
Our Heavenly Dwelling
1Now we know that if the earthly tent we live in is destroyed, we have a building from God, an eternal house in heaven, not built by human hands. 2Meanwhile we groan, longing to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, 3because when we are clothed, we will not be found naked. 4For while we are in this tent, we groan and are burdened, because we do not wish to be unclothed but to be clothed with our heavenly dwelling, so that what is mortal may be swallowed up by life. 5Now it is God who has made us for this very purpose and has given us the Spirit as a deposit, guaranteeing what is to come.

John 11:21-26

21"Lord," Martha said to Jesus, "if you had been here, my brother would not have died. 22But I know that even now God will give you whatever you ask."

23Jesus said to her, "Your brother will rise again."

24Martha answered, "I know he will rise again in the resurrection at the last day."

25Jesus said to her, "I am the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; 26and whoever lives and believes in me will never die. Do you believe this?"

Grave Marker Inscription

Today was my deadline for customizing Ellicia's grave marker.

The VA provides a free marker. Being a government issued marker, it's very simple and plain. It will have her name, date of birth, "the Dash", and date of death. And her relationship to me.

I have a choice of religious symbol (easy choice) and an inscription.

The inscription can be fifteen characters. That includes spaces, symbols, whatever. Imagine your standard government form with the fifteen boxes.

I've said it to others, I truly never want to hear anyone complain about writing a speech or a term paper... Until you've tried to sum up someone's life in fifteen characters... it's amazingly difficult.

They give you some examples:

"Beloved Wife"
"Beloved Mother"
"Loved By All"
"I Did It My Way" (for Sinatra fans)
"Unforgettable" (Nat King Cole is represented as well)
"Gone Fishing" (don't ask)
"Gone Home"
you get the idea

Ellicia was a beloved wife, mother, and daughter. Hmmm, can't fit all that in 15 spaces. Was truly stumped. Because, as much as we often say, "... well, it's not set in stone...", THIS would be.

And yesterday, it hit me. Hard. And I chewed it around some, and decided it'd work.

TREASURED LOVE

It works. On many levels.

Ellicia treasured love.
Ellicia WAS a treasured love.
Ellicia's love WAS treasured.
And so on.

Perfect.

A lifetime in fifteen characters.

Funeral

I've had a few requests for details on the funeral.

It's coming. Since this blog does serve as my diary, I want to ensure I get it right when I write it down...

So, soon...

I will say that it was an amazingly beautiful service. And we continue to be blessed...

Digital Comfort, Digital Memories

I introduced my mother-in-law to the blog today. She's known of it for some time, but she lacks her own computer (which had been frustrating when we lived so far away - Yahoo! Messenger is so nice long distance).

I brought her to the local public library. We sat down, and I told her... I would like to show you what the World thinks of your daughter.

Nice words and condolences are often easily expected from family and close friends, but... it's becoming clearer to me (as certain ones of you beat it into me) that Ellicia's story, courage, strength, and perseverance reached and touched one or two of you out there.

She saw the sixty-six page print-out of comments from the Pain, No More post. It was rolled up, tied with a bow, and placed in the casket with Ellicia.

But, she'd not read them. I had told her a synopsis of the wave of support, but still... she had not seen it.

As I write this, she is beside me... reading, remembering, and drawing comfort and strength.

Digital comfort, Digital memories, no less real.

Thank you, all of you...

Finding the Online Obituaries

As we move on, the online obituaries are starting to take a little searching to find. So, here is a link:

Charleston Post & Courier

The funeral home website doesn't have a link, but she's still showing under the current listings.

FYI.

Obituaries

The obituaries are starting to appear.

She's listed on the Stuhr funeral home website and the Charleston Post & Courier, so far.

And, also here:
S, E Entered into eternal rest on December 31, 2006 in Virginia, E R T S, wife of W R S, Jr. Residence, Newport News, VA. Relatives and friends of Mr. and Mrs. W S, Jr. are invited to attend the funeral services of the latter in Old St. Andrews Episcopal Church, Monday, January 8, 2007 at Ten O'clock. Interment, Beaufort National Cemetery, Monday at One O'clock. Friends may call at J. HENRY STUHR, INC.,WEST ASHLEY CHAPEL, Sunday from Five until Seven O'clock. E was born in Summerville, SC, May 2, 1967, the daughter of A Tyler. She received undergraduate and graduate degrees from the College of Charleston. E was a supportive military wife and actively involved in support roles for our Armed Forces. Surviving are her mother of Charleston, SC; her husband of Newport News, VA.; 2 daughters, K N Y and M C S both of Newport News, VA.; son, T R S of Newport News, VA. In lieu of flowers, memorials may be made to the Susan G. Komen Foundation, 69 Barre Street, Charleston, SC 29401. Visit our guestbook at www.charleston.net/deaths.