03 September 2006

My Hardest Post

I've been working on this post for days. Typing it, deleting it, reworking it...

It's not gotten any easier.

I've had so much I've wanted to write, and quite frankly, it's just been too difficult to write this post, thus making the others not worth writing.


Prologue

The last few days of our leave, Leesh started having some real difficulties. Dizziness, walking, nausea, balance, numbness in arms and legs... all of these were problems she was having. We figured that she'd perhaps overdone it on the vacation, or twisted something. Either way, to be sure, I made an appointment for the first thing Monday after we got back (It meant being on the phone at 0400 in the States to do it, but it seemed important. I take no chances.)

We made our sojourn back to Germany (an ordeal I do not want to endure again anytime soon, thankyouverymuch...). Settled in... and on Monday (28 August), off she went to her appointment and I back to work.

The doc at our local clinic diagnosed it as a likely pinched nerve and several days rest and elevated foot would make things better.

Sounds reasonable, so we went with it.

Tuesday, we went to a previously scheduled appointment with our wonderful cancer doctor. Now, he wasn't aware of the developments during the leave, or since the last checkup, but he had gotten a heads-up through our liaison. Anyway, we did an examination...

I have had this recurring thought that I remember when Ellicia and I would sit and stare at the ultrasound displays, looking through the confusing swirls and shadows for the distinctive baby parts and looking for the movement and sharing the joy of the new life that we created and is growing inside her body. These days, we sit in the same type rooms, using the very same machines, staring at the same swirls... trying to make out the signs of the masses from the disease that is destroying her from the inside... hoping not to see anything, hoping with the same fervency that the doctor (who somehow knows what all those shapes and shadows are) will give us good news.

Anyway, we confirmed the tumor in her breast has returned, as we already knew - but now the Doc knows it, too. With this knowledge, we all quickly agreed that the smartest course of action would be to proceed to surgery the next week. It would be either a partial or full mastectomy, determined by some biopsy core samples he extracted that day, but irregardless, surgery would be needed. So, sometime Wednesday or Thursday the next week, we would have surgery.

It's the smartest choice, really. Go ahead and remove the source of the tumor. Obviously, it's come back, and it's smart to try to take it all off. Less risk of missing a cancer cell.

You see, the best analogy we've come up for cancer is that it's like Kudzu. If you don't kill each and every single cancer cell, then you haven't accomplished a thing.

Obviously, even though we'd all thought the cancer was gone through successful treatment, the re-emergence of the tumor means that it's not, nor was it ever, gone.



On Wednesday, Leesh was still feeling the effects of numbness, difficulty walking, nausea at all hours, and dizziness, so she went back to the clinic. Due to what we think of as the clinic's fear of making any further errors with her, the doctor this time referred her to a neurologist. Even though it's a busy time for the unit and I was really needed, we scheduled it for the next day... Thursday.


Thursday
After depositing the children at all the various points around post, we headed off to Nurenburg for our appointment. We figured we'd be there a couple of hours, some quick tests, and we'll be back home... even in time for me to go back to work. My uniform was in the back of the car, for this purpose.

We arrive and are quickly seen. We've brought all of our old x-rays, MRIs, and even her entire medical file. Believe it or not, we actually travel with these items now.

We went through just about every kind of test and machine that he had in his office. We tried coordination tests, tests like a Field Sobriety test, electrodes on her head, and even more ultrasounds. Ultrasounds of the head, neck, eyes, etc. And then, they did a new MRI.



The News

The doctor spoke very good English, and he told us that all of his tests had come out negative for any problems. And he believed that she really was having these problems. He showed us the MRI of her head. And then he showed us the tumors.

The breast cancer has metastisized to her brain. There are tumors in her brain. Brain cancer.

The neurologist contacted our cancer doctor, who was attending a cancer conference. He rescheduled the mastectomy to this Tuesday, with her checking-in to the hospital on Monday.

We drove home... numb, but with things we had to do.


Friday, we went back for more tests. We had x-rays, and another MRI, this time of the spine.

I suppose one sign of the seriousness was that when it was all over, we were sent back to the neurologist, where with a waiting room full of people, and us with no appointment, we were led directly into his office.

The news is this. There are eleven tumors in her brain. If you were to divide her brain into quadrants, then at least two of the tumors would be as large as the quadrant. There are also metastatic tumors in her lungs (again).

So, we have breast cancer, lung cancer, and brain cancer. And like the neurologist told us, while the situation is not hopeless, it is extremely serious. If we do nothing at all, she likely has no more than a few months.



What Now?

What now... That's the question we've been facing for the last several days. We've come to the acceptance that within a year, I'll likely be a single father. By acceptance, I don't mean to imply happiness or anything like that. More like many, many tears.

We have cried a lot. All of our hopes, dreams, and plans... well, those seem out the window now.

Everything we do now is seen through the prism of the cancer. Wondering what we can do to preserve her for the children. Crying over how young the children are and if they'll remember her.

It's been a long weekend. We're getting ready for her surgery.

My unit has been extremely supportive. My 1SG is amazing, and as my Commander spelled out to me, my place of duty is my family. The rest of the chain of command, likewise.

And now, we just try to go day by day.

102 comments:

Anonymous said...

Tears, hugs, prayers, till I come up with something better to say. I really do love you guys.

Anonymous said...

I'm stunned...and crying enough that it's hard to see to type. I just don't know what to say, either. God bless all of you. With much love, Katy

Anonymous said...

My prayers will be with you
God Bless You,
Tanker Mom

Anonymous said...

Prayer releases the power and wisdom of God into a situation - prayers from all of the world are with you and your family.

Les & Colleen

Anonymous said...

God is always with you. I wish there were something I could do. There is so much I would say. Maybe soon. You have the love and prayers of so many people. Never forget that.

Anonymous said...

It was, I believe, Neville Chamberlain who originated the dictum, "Never, ever, ever give up." That was well before the picture of the heron trying to swallow the frog which has its front legs around the heron's neck.

I hope Ellicia fights. I hope she never ever gives up. And she will want to. On the days when she is sick, I hope she fights. When her legs don't work and she falls, I hope she fights. When her vision is cloudy, I hope she fights. When she feels hopeless, and she will, I hope she fights.

You have been part of a war external. Hers is a battle internal. And hers will be harder than your external one ever was because it is her own. But you, too, are in this battle: You must never ever give up. You must fight harder than you have before. I don't say to keep a "stiff upper lip." You can't and you won't. But keep fighting with her and for her. You've already been doing it more admirably than anyone I've ever known in this situation for the last 10 months. You can't quit. Scream at the moon, scream at God. He understands. But don't give up.

And for those who read this lengthy post, I bid your daily prayers for a miracle. Yes, they do happen. Ellicia is the product of one already. May she be the product of another. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Jesus, Healer of the Sick, we turn to You in this time of illness. Comforter of the Troubled, alleviate worry and sorrow with Your gentle love and grant Ellicia and Reid the grace and strength to accept this burden. We place our worries in Your hands and our sick under Your care and ask that You will restore Your child to health again. Amen.

Les & Colleen

Kat said...

*hugs* I'm here by way of Tanker Brothers.... you and your family are in our prayers. and will remain so.... please keep us posted as you are able.

Lots of Love,

Momma Kat
www.SoldiersAngels.org

auntybrat said...

Prayers and love and faith in miracles. You are NOT alone in this..we all stand with you...wingtip to wingtip..even from here in Canada.

Angel hugs to you all.....from a soldeirs angel..

Anonymous said...

I followed a link at the Tanker Brothers blog. I had tears in my eyes reading your post. My prayers will be with your family as you make this journey.

Aussie_Chic said...

I also followed this link from the Tanker Brothers. Please accept my prayers and best wishes from Oz. It's true, the world stands behind you as you prepare to fight.

Anonymous said...

My best thoughts and prayers are with you. I have been following your blog for some time, and today when I read the title, I had to pause before proceeding. You have some good readers, and I echo their comments - never, ever stop the fight. And know that many are praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

My friend sent me your blog and wanted to let you know that we align our prayers and beliefs with yours for total healing. NOTHING is too big for Jesus. HIS name is above every other...including cancer.
Remember a miracle is not the suspension of natural law...but the operation of a higher law.
GOD plus one is always the majority!
We stand with you and your family. Please keep us posted.
Blessings,
GODstxgirl

Anonymous said...

May God be with you through all of this. I don't know you but you will be in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. Please know that you have people in all corners of the world praying and pulling for Ellicia.

God Bless.

Mark Tempest said...

You are in our prayers.

FbL said...

My heart is breaking for all of you and tears are making it literally hard for me to see. But please don't give up. Prepare for the worst and hope for the best. Hope is powerful. As was said above, fight!

Please let us know how we can help you fight.

*hugs and prayers for you*

AFSister said...

Oh.... no.... NO NO NO
This is SO unfair.
Just SO not right. Too many bad things happen to too many wonderful people- and this is a perfect example. Fight, pray, love, and enjoy the simple moments for now.
I am just stunned. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Rachelle Jones said...

OK, I am praying, my family and friends are praying for you all....

Please continue to update us, and let us know what we can do...

Melinda said...

I arrived via a link at the Tanker Bros. as well & am a fellow Soldiers' Angel with many of those offering comments.
I will offer fervent prayers for you, your wife and your family. I am so very sorry that the news was not good.
There will be so many lifting you in prayer; it's my sincere hope that you can feel it as you move through the coming days.

THIRDWAVEDAVE said...

I pray for all of you.

Anonymous said...

I lean agnostic, but I do believe in miracles. I am praying for you right now.

Anonymous said...

Words seem so inadequate. We're praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I'm sorry, Reid. Your family will be in my thoughts and prayer, too. The fight looks worse this time but you've come through it before. Don't lose hope.

Anonymous said...

My families thoughts and prayers are with you!

Anonymous said...

I am so very sorry. You will all be in my prayers. I wish there was more I could do.

Anonymous said...

It's my first time reading your writing. You and your family will be in my thoughts each day now.

The words I write feel hollow and empty and for that, too, I am sorry. I cannot imagine, only say that I do care, that you will continue the fight, and that I have, in my years working in medicine, experienced many miracles that could only have been due to the strength of the family involved.

soldierdeb said...

I am praying for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

Prayers to all of you for strength, hope, faith and healing. Don't lose hope and live each day cherishing each other in the sunlight and not in the shadow this is causing in your lives.

Anonymous said...

Stay tuff warrior. You are in our prayers! Never stop attacking!!
Semper Fi
Capt B

Anonymous said...

Truly we should all be doing these things for our kids, but we hold quite dearly some of the things that my mother-in-law did while her children were little. Her boys were from 2yrs to 12 yrs when she passed, and they have now all grown up. They have baby books that she wrote memories in. They cherish that it is her handwriting, and the snapshots of life with her. The every-day things they did, how she felt and what she thought.
Her sisters also saved letters they'd recieved from her and gave them to us after the boys grew up, and told us their stories about her.
Her family has kept in close contact with us and helps us to feel like a little bit of her is there with us too.
Some of the boys baby clothes were saved for us, and a few small momentos.
As the boys grew older, they wanted to know "what was she like?" They had pieces of memories that they needed someone to fill in the rest.
Hopefully, you won't need this stuff for a long time, but you need to know from folks that have been there that it really does help through the years and it needs to be collected now.
I am so sorry that you are having to face this. Thanks for letting us all know. Many prayers are being said for you and your family.

Anonymous said...

We do not know you, but know of the pain and confusion you are going through. Our prayers are with you each day. May God give you peace during this time of difficulty. "I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me. Phil. 4:13" This is what got my mother through her battle.
God Bless

Anonymous said...

This is the first time I've read your blog, and I am so terribly sorry that you all are having to deal with this. God bless you, your wife, and your children. I will be praying for all of you and pray for a miracle that she'll beat this and be around to see her kids grow. I was diagnosed with Lupus twenty years ago, and at the onset I was very sick. I prayed that I would just make it to see my kids grow up and out on their own. They're all grown up now, and I feel that any time I have from now on is "bonus" time from God. I'll pray daily for you.

Greybeard said...

I'm new here, through a link from ThirdWaveDave.
It's obvious there are a lot of folks love you for some reason.
God is in control, and he is with you.
Don't be afraid. (Easy for me to say!)
A positive attitude is great medicine.

Anonymous said...

Thoughts and prayers from our family to yours. Although it looks like a tougher fight this time, never give up hope!

airforcewife said...

I will be thinking of you and praying for you.

Anonymous said...

I, too, have been following for a while and thought things were in the clear. Hang in there, you are very much in my prayers.

Peter said...

I shall pray for your family as will many others. I will pass this post around that others might also join in.
I do not pretend to know His will but pray we shall.

Jeff said...

We can never understand the whys of such suffering, but we come alongside you at this time.

May God provide all comfort, and bless you and Ellicia and your family in great abundance at this time of greatest challenge.

Gayle Miller said...

I have linked to your post on my blog in hopes that more people will add their prayers to mine, which are with you fully.

God's grace attend upon both you and your family and sustain you through this tribulation of stunning proportions.

Rachelle Jones said...

Please contact me ....

jonesarmywife@sbcglobal.net

Anonymous said...

Our prayers are with you.
God Bless all of you.

Anonymous said...

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. Keep the faith -- it's very important for all of you to keep the faith!

I was diagnosed with Brain cancer five years ago this coming February. I know there are many different forms of brain cancer, some more serious than others, but I've been through the surgery and the radiation therapy, and I'm still fighting and keeping the faith.

NEVER GIVE UP... NEVER.

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you and your family, especially as you face your surgery this week. May God's peace and wisdom be upon you and guide you each step of the way, even when you can't see the next step.

Household6 said...

I'm so sorry. All of this makes my troubles of today so insignificant. My prayers go out to you, your wife and your family.

HH6

Anonymous said...

Do not give up hope and Do not give up faith. I know what you are going through. I was and Active Duty Marine in Fallujah when I was called back to the States to find out that my wife had brain cancer.A Glioblastomamultiforme, Grade 4. At first the outlook was grim-12 months. That was Nov 2004. She went through 2 types of Chemo and radiation.5 surgeries and more medications to counteract the medications that the doctors had previously prescribed. She is healed now, and I tell you this to let you know that there is hope. Iknow the heartache and desperation you face as a servicemember who is used to fixing problems, and now all you can do is watch and comfort...usually we are not to good at the comfort thing..but it gets easier. Any how you and your wife are in my prayers. If you want to talk to someone who knows whats going on please e mail me. Godbless.
pallendtp@yahoo.com

Anonymous said...

Have add you and your family to our prayer list. God bless and keep the faith.

hoop

Anonymous said...

From an old Jarhead,

Linked from Blackfive; my prayers go out to you and your family. God love all of you.

Anonymous said...

The Currency of Life is Time.

In 1956 when I was 12 years, I was in a military school in Front Royal VA. My stepfather, the only father I ever knew, woke up one morning and saw double when he tried to shave. At the time, he was a LtCDR stationed at the Navy Annex, just up the hill from the Pentagon. He had a brain tumor that was pressing on his optic nerve.

He lived another 25 years and for most of that time, the quality of his life was pretty good. He played end for GaTech until 1941. He graduated Magna Cum Laude form Harvard with an MBA (courtesy of the US Navy). He retired as a USN Captain.

It wasn't easy. He had 3 major operations (1956, 1963 and 1978) but he saw his son, who was 4 year old when he got sick, graduate from college. He knew his three oldest grandchildren well.

Medicine is much, repeat much, better than it was in 1956. If Capt Harry B. Arthur, USN can survive a quarter of a century with brain cancer, you can too.

Arch S. Arthur, Major USAF (Retired)
Williamsville, NY

Anonymous said...

I come to you via Blackfive.

One wonders at times such as this why we must suffer as we do. Why someone so young, with a husband and children, must endure this. I join in with everyone and pray for a miracle. My prayers are with you both.

Ben said...

I just lost my father to a 3 year battle with cancer. My deepest prayers are with you and your family. All we have at times like this is our relationship with the Lord. Although I prayed ferverently for my fathers life, in the end I understood that his time on earth was going to be shorter than I had ever thought. He was a brave man and gave all he had until the end, I hope you and your wife stay strong and that a miracle occurs and she is spared.

One of the best things my Dad received near the end was a blanket that a dear family friend found and wanted him to have, I hope the words provide strength and comfort:

What Cancer cannot do
Cancer is so limited...
It cannot cripple Love
It cannot shatter Hope
It cannot corrode Faith
It cannot destroy Peace
It cannot kill Friendship
It cannot suppress Memories
It cannot silence Courage
It cannot invade the Soul
It cannot steal eternal Life
It cannot conquer the Spirit

God Bless you and your family.

Ben said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
Anonymous said...

The power of prayer to the Lord is great. My prayers are with you all. Please help the prayers by getting rest and have a positive mental attitude - it will work.

Devil Dog Dad

Anonymous said...

Linked from Blackfive. I shall add you to my prayers.

Hiraethin said...

I don't really believe that anything I can say will in any way make things better for you. Frankly, I - and I expect you - would rather be facing a nasty, brutish end than have something so horrid happen to the ones that we love. That would be easier. But that's not the reality.

You - all of you - are in my thoughts and I hope and pray that the fate that you meet is kinder than that which threatens. I feel certain that you will do whatever can be done, and then some, to fight this and to defeat it. I hope and pray that whatever happens, that you will greet each day with strength and dignity rooted in love for one another.

Anonymous said...

Hey, Reid - Y'all haven't been off my mind very much the last couple of days. Praying so hard for all you need, hoping the surgery went well. Know that there are lots of prayer warriors storming the Gates of Heaven on behalf of you, Leesha & the kiddies. Love & Hugs, Katy

Mrs_Who said...

Your family will be in my prayers. I don't know if you practice a faith, but I will pray the Prayer of St. Peregrine, the patron saint of cancer patients. May God's love strengthen your family.

remoteman said...

I too come from Blackfive. I pray that she is spared and can be with you and your children for years to come.

Anonymous said...

I too came over from Blackfive. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

My God bless and care for you all.

Dessie Harlow
1st Cav Mom

Anonymous said...

Lord have mercy. You are in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

God Bless you all ~ you are in my prayers.
Hugs, and =more hugs ~

Anonymous said...

We are created to live; death is not our responsibility, it is only the end of living. So, live and fight to live as well and as hard as you can; our prayers and wishes and hopes go with you.

Anonymous said...

Mercy, will add all of you to my prayer list.

There is no way of knowing what tomorrow will bring, but take each moment and treat it as being very precious.

Keep the fight, keep the faith. Keep us informed, and remember, you are not alone in this.

Fermina Daza said...

Reid ~ I am so, SO sorry. I was making the rounds today and read this. You and Ellicia and the kids are in my prayers. You have been for a while but moreso now.

Wish I had known you were here in HI - I would have loved to have taken you to dinner. I am so glad you both had a wonderful time here.

I'm praying hard for you all.

Anonymous said...

Linking to you from Blackfive -
While I do not know you, I feel that I do. I have been through your pain. It is is never over unless you give up. My wife fought for over fifteen years - it should have killed her in two. And it was a very good fifteen years. She saw her firstborn graduate from high school - with honors.
You're on so many prayer lists - just fight.

Anonymous said...

Keeping you and your family in my prayers.

Karen

Anonymous said...

You are loved - You and your family are cherished. In this darkness, God has light and He has a plan - He has not lost control. We all have a journey ahead...You're family is getting more details on this journey than most of us. He will lead and He will comfort.

We love you guys...

A Kansas Dad of three soldiers...

Anonymous said...

I'm so sorry your family is having to go through this trial. I know this must be hard to see as you are in the midst of this battle but God is in control and he is working everything to the good. He will carry your family through this ordeal. Lean on Him and share all your fears...He will not forsake you. I will lift your family in prayer and ask for a peace beyond understanding.

Anonymous said...

I am here from Blackfive, God bless you, we are praying for you here in Texas.

Anonymous said...

I am from Black 5. My prayers are with you and your family.

The doctors have excellent life extending treatments. But, ultimately, things are in God’s hands now but live each day to its fullest – and never forget the power of prayer.

Anonymous said...

Prayers.

Patrick (gryph) said...

Hi, I will keep you in our prayers.

I'm going through the same thing right now with my Dad. He has lung cancer. They did Chemo, and some radiation and the tumors shrank and went away. But the cancer reappeared a few months later in his brain. He has had Radiation to his head and we are waiting to see what the result is. He is already doing a lot better though.

The side effects have not been great, but they have not been too bad either, so they do not seriously interfere with his quality of life. So I would suggest at least trying them for the first round. My Dad's cancer is expected to come back eventually but we will deal with that then. Its one day at a time at this point. Best wishes.

Anonymous said...

Here from Chapomatic-

May God hold you in the palm of his hand, and give you comfort.

And may you know HOPE!

God Bless you all, and I will also join my prayer with the chorus already evident.

May the Lord bless you and keep you. May the Lord make His face to shine upon you and be gracious unto you. May the Lord lift up His countenence upon you, and give you His peace. Amen.

Anonymous said...

Sending prayers and love your way. Let us know if there is anything we can do, and remember you are not alone.

God bless you and your family.

Anonymous said...

The Lord keep you in His Peace.

Our family will pray for your family.

Anonymous said...

I don't know who you are. I found your blog off of The Blog Herald. Your story really hits home. I just lost my father to cancer. I have 4 younger brothers - the youngest is 5. I too wonder if he'll remember his father.

If I could make a practical suggestion, have you wife record her voice - her telling stories of her childhood, and fond memories - so that you can play them in the future, regardless of what happens. It's so important to record the past. My father started to do this, but died before he could record much. I really regret him not doing more.

You can also have her write letters to the kids. They will mean more than anything. I cherish the letters my father wrote me.

My heart goes out to you. Thank you so much for your service.

I will pray for you and your family. May the God of all Peace watch over you.

Barb said...

The doctors can do some great things these days, but God is in control. Recording Ellicia with the kids, and with you, can only help.
God bless you and hold you in his arms.

Anonymous said...

There are a a lot of people praying for you and your family. I can only offer small words of comfort.
Stay strong but don't hold back from each other.
Pray together. Remember that faith can move mountains and there is nothing outside of the realm of impossible for God.
Don't focus on the disease, instead ...focus on the love between you and your family. Accept help where it is offered and know that it is God's way of bringing angels into your life.

Keep a written journal. Take lots of videos or photographs. Answer all of life's important questions for your children.

Read the Psalms together. You will find a great deal of comfort there.

Pray. Have your friends, relatives or church start a prayer chain.

"Father God, we humbly ask for your mercy and healing for this family. Where there is fear, sow peace. Where there is sickness, bless Ellicia with good health. Let not despair reign in their lives, instead fill them with Hope and the wonders of your Loving redemption. Guide them Lord, to the best treatments, the best doctors and to Your Loving Embrace. Nothing is impossible for you Lord, and in Your Name, we ask for Healing for Ellicia from your Almighty Hand. Amen."

~Oh Lord my God, I called to you for help and you healed me.~ Ps 30:2

Kaycey ~ Soldier's Angel

Anonymous said...

My prayers are with you and your family.

Anonymous said...

with tears in my eyes I pray for your fammily. jean

Anonymous said...

Your all in our thoughts mate - Be strong

Anonymous said...

May your days be filled with love, and may they be more numerous than you can imagine.

Anonymous said...

I'm here from Euphoric Reality. I'm so sorry--I'll be keeping you all in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

Dear Sir,
I will say a prayer and light a candle at Mass for you and your family.I am so very sorry. I will pray for a miracle. Thank you for your service to our country.
A grateful American,
Gail Chicks

Anonymous said...

I will put you in the front of my thoughts next to my son.

John Jodka

Anonymous said...

I haven't prayed for a long time, but I sit at my computer praying for you now.

My thoughts are with you and you family.

Good luck.

Anonymous said...

God bless you all. I'm Debbie from Right Truth. You have certainly been handed more than anyone should be required to carry. I add my prayers to those of many others. I pray God will be faithful and give you all the strength to endure what is ahead.

Anonymous said...

Lost my wife of twenty four years to breast cancer last year after a four year fight. I know where you're at. It's very important to record, as much as possible, her hopes and dreams for you and the children. Do this now, before the pain relief that will be needed eliminates everything except the here and now.
Tell each other constantly how much you love each other. Offer and ask for forgiveness from each other for even the smallest past frictions. Don't let anything keep you apart, bear her burdens as best you can.
Help her make peace with herself and God. Jim

Anonymous said...

Lost my wife of twenty four years to breast cancer last year after a four year fight. I know where you're at. It's very important to record, as much as possible, her hopes and dreams for you and the children. Do this now, before the pain relief that will be needed eliminates everything except the here and now.
Tell each other constantly how much you love each other. Offer and ask for forgiveness from each other for even the smallest past frictions. Don't let anything keep you apart, bear her burdens as best you can.
Help her make peace with herself and God. Jim

Anonymous said...

Came here from .

As many have quoted prayers, might I leave my own favourite?

Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me. Your rod and your staff, they comfort me.

Carolie said...

Though I have my own beliefs, I don't talk much about God.

Ever.

But as I weep, having stumbled upon your post...I pray for all of you. I will continue to pray for all of you, every day.

May God be with you. You are miracles, each and every one of you--never doubt that.

We love you.

Anonymous said...

So many loving and praying voices! Toward the end there is some excellent advice from William and, two below that, from Kaycey, and then from Jim (Anonymous) 9/8/06 at 18:50. This is advice that will be very helpful in the near future. Perhaps you've thought of all those things, but it sometimes helps to hear it from someone else.

excitedVulcan said...

I will be praying for you every day. Linked from B5. You know that God is in control. See how many lives have already been touched through this blog. Many are re-asessing their own relationships. God can work miracles, and still does. Peace and Blessings on you and your family.

Anonymous said...

I have said a prayer to God and Holy Mary.

Try desparatley to read jokes and develope/regain the ability to laugh your ass off, Laughter is a part of happiness , happiness is a part of Love and God is Love.

And besides a little Dinky Dao can get you through impossible times.

God Bless You
Semper Fi

JACK ARMY said...

I lost my mother to cancer and that was hard. Losing my wife to cancer would crush my heart. I can't imagine what you are living through but I pray that things will turn out ok. God bless you both.

Ginny Brideau said...

I got to this post when reading up for an upcoming vacation, over to another blog, which linked to your blog. My thoughts are with you.

Anonymous said...

A friend directed me to your site and please know our prayers are with you. I have lung cancer, had a lobectomy and am now currently receiving chemo. Prayers and the power of love from friends and family and faith is what keeps me going. I wrote a poem about a month before my surgery that expresses my feelings and I would like to share it with you. Please never ever give up hold to your love and to your faith in God and each other.
BEFORE ME STILL WATERS
Before me lies the deep still waters,
Like a mirror do they reflect,
The world I've known the world unknown,
The truth I must accept.
This path for me He's chosen,
All I've been all I will be,
Has He brought forth here today,
For me at last to see.
In judgement do I not now stand,
Rather it's time I made the choice,
To allow my spirit at last the freedom,
To hear and to follow His voice.
At first I thought my days would end,
I approached these waters in fear,
Now I know His love has brought me,
To stand by these waters so clear.
In them the trial I must now face,
In them my comfort and peace,
With me the strength from those I love,
With them prayers and love for me.
With us always the love of our Lord,
As we wait safely in His hands,
Here beside the deep still waters,
Where He's led me so to understand.
Ron Hyatt 2006 061406
May God bless you and may He bring a miracle to you.

Anonymous said...

Live each day as if it were your last. Laugh, cry, hug, and do the silly things you've always wanted to do and there'll be no regrets.
I've just been through this with my mom, and I find I'm left with a lot of shoulda, coulda, what if's.

Good luck to you both, I will keep you in my prayers.

Anonymous said...

To both you and your wife, I'm keeping you both in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this.
-David in Melbourne, FL

Anonymous said...

I am sorry to read your story. I have, or shoul I say had, two very dear friends fight, battle and finally succumb to their cancer.

It is a brutal disease, and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers as I keep all of our Fallen Heroes. For you and Ellicia are no less heroes for the battle both of you are fighting.

God Bless you both.

Meli said...

I came to your site via tankerbrothers. Having had cancer myself, I know the feelings of worry, horror, fear, etc. My prayers are with you and Ellicia. "I can do all things through Jesus, who strengthens me." My husband and I lift you up in our prayers.

Anonymous said...

Several years ago, the military tried to get the active duty community and their dependent to buy the Long Term Disability insurance. They pushed it. We got it. This is exactly what it is for. Use this tragedy to inform yourself. Look at the coverage.