I was especially touched by the quote at the end, which I've heard many a time in various forms:
"Everyone has oceans to fly, as long as you have the Heart to do it. Is it reckless? Maybe, but what do dreams know of boundaries?"
As I continue facing my various challenges in Life, I'm reassured when people (like today by a close Friend) tell me that the Heart I show will get me through it.
We erect our own boundaries around ourselves more than any one else. If we follow our dreams, we can accomplish... anything.
3 comments:
Dear Reid,
You might not remember me, but you and I worked together at National for a couple of years from 2000 to 2002.
Well, after all this time, your name was the first thing in my head this morning when I opened my eyes.
I wondered if you and Ellicia had gotten married and so I thought like everyone else does these days, I could probably find that out by doing a Google search.
So, that's what I did. Googled you. Yep. You got married. Had kids. But then...but then.
What I thought would be a thirty second search turned into two hours of reading blog posts and crying the whole morning long.
The final post I read was the one you wrote just early this morning. I am so proud of you for putting those thoughts out there. Yes, you are angry at God, but like your friend, I agree with your right to be angry. Somehow, Reid, being so raw about your honesty makes you more trusting in God than you know, and I have to say there is a remarkable absence of bitterness in your words which made them quite beautiful despite the pain I know you felt as you wrote them.
I think C.S. Lewis expressed similar thoughts when he lost his wife, so if you ever feel you can read about that, his struggle might help you some day with the questions you are wrestling with now.
I wrestled, too, when my the bottom of my life fell out about the same time yours did. And I remember finally getting to the point where I realized that asking God, "Why?" was probably the bravest question I could ever ask because I knew I wasn't likely to get an answer (though I did). And that's how I see you. Brave for asking. And I'm hoping you will receive your answer, too, when the time comes.
Things are better for me now, but my own grief only just lifted less than a year ago. It's a hard road to be on, but if you don't mind me saying--somehow one day you really do wake up to find the sun actually shining through the windows of your heart. You go to sleep crying, and you wake up with a hint of joy--and there's no explanation of how that joy materialized. But it did--it does.
But don't rush through your grief. It's valid and real, and it actually helps with the healing, though it seems like anything but.
Also, just for your information, I've met an Episcopalian priest who was once a Royal Marine. His name is Nigel Mumford. He lost his whole unit when he was just 26, and as a result he suffers from PTSD. He was discharged from the military and eventually moved to the United States.
He owned a picture framing store but decided to go into ministry in 1980, I think. Then a few years ago he started a free retreat for any soldier who fought in any war--from WWII all the way up to Iraq.
The retreat is called the Welcome Home Initiative and it is held in Christ our King Spiritual Life Center in Greenwich, NY (near Albany). As I said, it is free. All you have to do is get yourself to Albany and the rest is in their hands.
I know Nigel, and in all honesty, if my recollections of you are correct (your fierce loyalty to people combined with that incessant need to know every fact about everything :), you and Nigel would get along famously. He isn't as much of a fact hound as you are, but he is like a lion when it comes to protecting others, and he is just as open with his feelings as you are. He's very wise, and it's a comfort to hear him speak about anything--not just war.
Please forgive me if my timing in telling you about such a thing is premature. I want nothing more than to provide a good resource for you, but I do not want to shove God down your throat, either.
In closing, my words of sorrow over your loss are totally inadequate here, but my heart aches for you all the same. From this point on, you will be in my prayers.
Your Friend,
Kelly Noll
Hello, again.
I'm sorry...I was responding to your post written on January 13th, (I think)--the one where you've resumed your writing--not to this post about Amelia Earhardt. Didn't mean to confuse you.
Kelly
Kelly,
I DO remember you. Quite well. Thank you for your wonderful words.
I'm sorry that this morning was such a jarring surprise to you. I wish it could have been a happier search.
What are you up to these days?
- Reid
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