And the Clock Reaches Zero (Again)...

It's 31 December.  Again.

I've tried to ignore it, and not lend the spotlight to it this year, but the ol' countdown clock has been loud as ever.  For those unfamiliar, the November and December time frame features prominently to me as most of the large landmarks of my wife's battle with cancer land during those two months.  As I'm very in tune with Time, my mind naturally and subconsciously ticks away those markers for me.

This year has ironically provided a double-whammy.  I've managed to line up a nearly eerie reenactment of that timeline.  For one trying to keep the Clock quiet, I sure picked a strange way to do it.

In the Fall of 2006, we were in Germany, on our way to the States.  In the Fall of 2012, we were in Germany, on our way to the States.

In November 2006, we left Germany.  In November 2012, we left Germany.

In November 2006, we had a big Thanksgiving with family.  In November 2012, we had a big Thanksgiving with family.

In December 2006, we set up home in Virginia.  In December 2012, we set up home in Virginia.

The similarities continue.

And yet, there is a fundamental difference.  The time line in 2006 was a march to an End, even if we didn't know it at the time.  It is pockmarked with time landmarks and decision points that remind me of a report from an accident investigator.  ("Here you can see where they made this decision", etc.)

I have a different feeling now.  I feel poised on a New Hope and New Beginning.  As I've tried to rebuild, and redesign my Life, and the children's, it's been chaos, and many fits and starts.  I've tried A, I've tried B, I've tried C... there are times I feel I've run out of damned letters.

But, our family has kept trying.  It's not been a roaring success in the past, and who knows, maybe this attempt won't work either.  But, I feel full of Hope.  I think this might just do it.

I have to try.

Meanwhile, my true friend M*A sent me this poem.  I think it sums up the battle well:

I don't like

the memories
because the tears
come early,
and once again break
my promise
to myself for this day.

It's a constant battle.

A war between

remembering and forgetting.

Tomorrow is a new day, and the Clock will be silent once more.  Today... well, It's Year Number Six, and it won't be the Last Year, but it's much better than the ones before.

It's About Still Living...

This cartoon immediately struck a chord with me.  For many people, news of diagnosis with cancer is received like a death sentence.

For us, as you loyal readers know, it wasn't.  We fought, and we lived.  We didn't reach two years; for us, it was 408 days.  But what a great time it was in those 408 days.

Are all days wonderful and rainbows and unicorns and sunshine?  Of course not; still, it's a better alternative than none at all.

So, here's to all of you with biopsy-versaries, and "two years" and 408 days!

Thanksgiving

Being in the military and being a military family means that holidays are always approached somewhat differently. 

This Thanksgiving, I'm blessed to be home with family. However, I also have friends all over the world: Afghanistan, Kuwait, Deutschland, Italia, España, and every timezone of the United States of America.As I type this, that means Thanksgiving is almost over for some, and not even begun for others. And some friends are surrounded by family and friends, others are in harm's way... yet universally, we're thankful.It's been a year with ups and downs - friends and family lost, new friends and family joining us, career changes, elections (whether good or bad depends on the point of view), yet... there is still much we can be happy about, even if we have to look harder.

I am thankful for much, but most for family and all of you friends.

Happy Thanksgiving wherever you are!

Respect for the Office

I'm a realist. And an idealist. A strange combination, but it's true.
I have long been frustrated... and bothered... by the depths to which our civil and political discourse has dropped in this country. I'm not sure where to point to as a beginning - in truth, we've always been a bit nasty politically (don't believe me? Go read some of the scurrilous comments about Presidential candidates in th

e 1800's!).
Yet, it seemed we once had respect - respect for other views, respect for other people.
I saw it a lot with President Bush (by the Left) and for the past four years, by the Right against President Obama. And with the campaign, well... all hell has broken loose.
We don't discuss anymore... we yell at each other and name call. "Mitler", "0bama", "Zero", etc... etc..
As a huge fan of The West Wing, I often think of it as giving examples. And the scene in the attached (admittedly extremely low-quality) video has always stood out to me about 'Respect for the Office'.
For me, and increasingly I feel, me alone... part of the beauty and in some sense, the obligation of this country, of this experiment, is the idea of hating to the core what someone says, but fighting to the death for their right to say it.
I don't have to like what you say, what you believe, or how you act - but, my calling you names and belittling you... it demeans me far more than how much I think it'll ever demean you.
So, here's hoping to what I yearn for as a result of an election, any election, hopefully soon: While we're pushing for our candidates and our beliefs, let's remember that we're all still Americans... while that still means something.

Carolina Band 2010 Veterans Day Show

I surprised myself a little bit.  Yesterday, I was bragging about how Williams-Brice stadium really gets loud and hopping with the fans there to a friend.  And today, a buddy put OSU's marching band up on Facebook.  So, I started searching for some Carolina Band halftime shows.  Somewhat for nostalgia, some because I love marching bands and the shows they put on.

I stumbled almost immediately into this:



At first, I'll admit... a bit disappointed.  I was looking for the flowing marching back and forth, the creativity, the pizzazz.  Yet, because I am military, I was curious and hooked.  And damn if it didn't get to me.

I know how loud a stadium of 80,000 people can get.  I know that at halftime, people aren't often watching the field.  And to see... no, to hear the crowd get involved - first the ones and twos standing for their service, and then to hear a stadium go near-silent (or at least about as quiet as 80,000 people will get) for TAPS.  And to then hear them singing along to "God Bless America".  I wish I was there.

It's not flashy, or pizzazz (ok, at the end, they get kitschy, but that's patriotism in the South for you!)... but, damn... what a show.

Just used #SoundHound to find The Marvelous Toy by The Irish Rovers http://bit.ly/fOHgdX #nowplaying

Life Is About Living...

"...the hardest thing is keeping on living."

I feel alive... And want to LIVE.

Life is precious and not guaranteed. No, not Life like whether you breathe or not (though true), but to LIVE. To feel the spirits of the world coursing through your veins.

To that end, I've determined it's time to live again. Life had once been full and on track and it will be again.

I want to:

Learn to SCUBA Dive
Ride a horse
Learn to fly - without the plane... I.e. SKYDIVE (HUGE on my list)
Parasail
Finish my pilot's license
...
List growing.