11 September

Over the past week, and especially so today, there has been a steady stream of written observations of "Where were you" and "How has 9/11 affected you" type columns.  It almost has taken on the feel of an obligatory first week of school "What I Did for Summer" essay.

And yet, it's more than that.  It's part of our need to reflect, our need to share, and our definite need to connect.  There's safety in numbers, and for a wound that (for some) is still deep and painful, we take comfort in knowing that we're not the only one's changed by 9/11 or who still feel it's resonating ripples.

I have a bit of a fluky memory, usually.  It's odd what sticks.  I have difficulty remembering what people are supposed to remember - names, childhood, etc.  However, I have distinct images of 9/11... as it began to unfold, as it continued, and... well, it's never really stopped.

I remember because it was a day off of work.  I worked at the time in the travel industry - rental cars.  I'd turned on the TV to catch the news, news junkie that I am.  Like so many others, I was horrified by the first plane, and instinctually knew what the second plane meant.  I remember chatting with my very close friend, E, who would later become my wife.  Discussing the significance of it.  And, I remember calling in to work to see how things were going, discussing it further, and heading in to help out in the chaos.

(Little known fact:  Much is said of the complete shutdown of America's airspace and the ensuing devastation that 9/11 had on airlines and air travel.  Well, rental cars are hand-in-hand, and it was a wrecking ball to that industry, too.  Suddenly, people found themselves at unplanned locations - wherever their airliner had landed in a hurry - and still needing to get to point B.  Rental cars.  And the cars were used extensively, and the fleet was dispersed nationwide.  Compounding this was that it destroyed all the price models, fleet inventory tracking, etc.  The system wasn't set up for it, and it took weeks to restore the fleet.  Meanwhile, the calls were coming in.  I remember looking at the monitoring board and seeing the wait time being measured in hours.  It was like that for days.)

I'd gone in and started to try to manage the chaos, even while monitoring the news.  At our center, many of the employees had relatives in NYC.  I, too, had a cousin whom I believed worked at the WTC (I was lucky, she worked near there, but not IN there.)  I was familiar with the Towers, and when I calculated the time of day, etc, I feared a death toll in the tens of thousands.  I knew what this meant.  And I was scared.

Throughout the next several days, I don't remember anything but work.  Comforting employees in a small room, fielding questions, putting out small fires, and figuring out what was next.

It wasn't until Day 4 that I let myself feel 9/11.  I remember sitting on the couch talking to E... and it just hit.  A massive tsunami of emotion broke through all the walls I'd set up, and I cried.  Crocodile tears.  I remember her just holding me as I sobbed. 

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My marriage to my first wife had been dying for some time.  About a month after the attacks, we took a grand vacation... I hoped it would be an indicator to see if there was anything left saving.  We toured the country, driving thousands of miles, looping through Florida, St. Louis, Chicago, Dayton, Philadelphia, and finally, driving home past DC.  The Pentagon was an open wound.  Like so many other wounds...

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So, it's now 10 years later.  "What 9/11 Changed for Me".  I look back and see how far Life has taken me.  I no longer live at that house where I watched it unfold.  I'm no longer married to that first wife, and the Lady who comforted me then, E, who became my second wife is now gone, too.

I've moved... hold on, let me count... fourteen times since then.  I've completely changed careers, having left the car rental biz to join the US Army (see "Why I joined the Army").  I've been to Afghanistan, lived in Germany, returned to Germany, and will soon return to Afghanistan.  So much has happened and changed in the past ten years... and when I really focus on it, almost all of those changes trace back to a single focus in time - 9.11.2001.  It set in motion events that changed my life, with consequences large and small, realized and hidden, and quite likely, some not yet known.

That emotional moment on the couch turned significant... and E, who provided so much to me, also brought me beautiful children.  M & T would not exist were it not for E & I being brought together.  My career in the Army?  Non existent without the war in Afghanistan, which began after 9/11.  European living?  Nope.  Would the battle with cancer and how it's affected me have happened if we'd been stateside and not in Germany at a remote post with minimal and questionable docs?  My friends, that is a question that knaws at me to this day, and is likely to never fully go away.

9.11.2001.  For me, it really did change everything.

(And I wouldn't change that, at all.)